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Devil`s Trap Squee

OMG, cliffhanger from hell. How am I supposed to wait till September/October? I`m the kind of person who reads the last page of a book first. I read every spoiler I can find. God, this is gonna suck.

But onto the squee. (Warning: incoherent ramblings will follow. *g*)

This episode really brought it. The family interactions just about killed me.

Even though I wasn`t a fan of Meg, I felt bad for her when her human half was freed and dying. Reminded me of Stargate and the Goa`uld hosts.
Funny thing, back in Shadow when she fell down the window and I was already spoiled on her being possessed, I thought to myself: hey, her body must be broken now, so when the demon is gone, she should be dead. HA, I so called that, show.

Dean or rather Jensen was beyond awesome in this one. His anger and anxiousness about his Dad, his pain and heartbreak later. Beautifully played.
I simply don`t know how anybody can be mean to him when he has this huge Bambi eyes. They KILL me.

And really the episode seemed to be told pretty much from Dean`s POV. Overall I think Sam is supposed to be the one you identify with, the normal one. But that`s the thing for me. He is too much like me. I understand his reactions and reasoning all to wel, there is not much mystery there for me. Personally I like to get in the heads of characters that are as different from me as can be. So Dean is way more of an enigma to me on the whole.

And he wanted to be a fireman. Awwww. OMG, I SO knew he`d want to do a "rescue" job. Even though now I kinda have images of Dean jumping up and down like Grisu the little dragon who wanted to be a fireman. *g*

His admission of being scared of himself was really powerful. There are these two people he loves more than anything and even he is scared by the depth of that love.

Him realizing his Dad was possessed because he said all the things we`ve all been dying for him to say to Dean. Owwwwww, my heart broke.
In a way, Dad is like Meg. His spirit or soul? is broken and it`s only vengeance that keeps him going.
He just looked so pained when he realized the Demon was gone and their chance to kill it, too. And then in the car, he made it clear again. For him vengeance comes before EVERYTHING.
Dean was right on the money, John would have bitched him out for wasting a bullet, even if he saved Sam`s life in the process.

That`s not to say, he doesn`t deeply love his sons, because Dean so totally Luke Skywalkered him and it worked. Squee.
But this demon BECAME his life in the last 20 years and he can`t not let it go.

Which I think is a large part of Sam not shooting him, because he sees what it did to his Dad and he doesn`t wanna become like this. He WANTS to have things in his life that mean more to him, however painful or how vulnerable they make you.
If he shot DaddyDemon there, he could have ended his nightmare. But I think he also realized how that would change him. What that would make him. He had to choose between vengeance and love and he chose love. God, how much did I love him looking at Dean in the rearview mirror when he said: "Not everything."
Yes, he craves the normal life and he wants to end all this, but not at ANY price. Because than he HIMSELF would be different and maybe never be able to have the life he dreams about anymore.

I also loved their talk by the car. And I kinda saw where they were both coming from.
It IS selfish to put vengeance above everything, because YOU want it, no matter how your loved ones may be hurt and affected by it. Because as Dean so rightly put it, they`re the ones to have to bury you. That`s kinda what selfish means: Me first.
Then again, Dean has chosen a life where his life is in considerable danger everyday and he`s never been shy about sacrificing HIMSELF for just about anybody. And Sam is supposed to accept this too.
And I can understand Sam`s immediate need for vengeance on THIS demon as much as Dean`s feeling that hunting and helping people is a calling for him (which is a very noble sentiment). And sacrificing isn`t the same as giving yourself to a higher purpose you believe in or at least it doesn`t have to be. I think the show has drawn a fine line between these too.
It`s ultimately their choice to make what to do with their lifes. (Just because Sam can`t understand Dean`s determination to hunting or vice versa Dean Sam`s wish for a normal life doesn`t mean that either choice is invalid or should be taken from them.) There is really no right or wrong here. It`s always hard to watch someone you love put himself in harms way, no matter how good a reason.

Dean really took a beating here. Emotionally and physically.
"They don`t need you. Not the way you need them." And it`s true. He puts too much of himself into the relationship with them and their family. Which will alway lead to heartbreak because the other person can never live up to that ideal you want/need them to be. And they, too, will suffer, because they DO love you and don`t wanna hurt you. Sniff.

I don`t however believe that Sam (or Dean for that matter) is really favored by John. He loves them equally, it`s just by virtue of Sam`s questioning nature that he got more attention while Dean was taken for granted. I loved Sam`s pained look here, he really was hurting for his bro.

And even though Daddycest squicks me out, the DemonDad looked about three seconds away from dry humping Dean. Hee. Nobody can resist the pouty lips and the anime eyes.
Maybe next season the CD will go on trying to convert? Sam for his army or whatever and go after Dean to be his underworld queen. *g*
I like however that the brothers are now both tied to the Demon directly. Up until now Dean seemed to be only on the periphery, courtesy of being Sam`s brother. Now I imagine him to be on top of the Demon`s hitlist. I gives both characters a chance to have their independent arcs (not in terms of being physically separated but from a narrative point of view).

The revelation that Sam is one of the special kids wasn`t really anything new. It`s nice however that they don`t seem to make Sam the Specialist Chosen One there ever is. As of now, he`s kind of chosen (and not something anybody would ever WANT to be chosen for, poor thing), but still one of many. I like that, it makes the character way richer than simply being on a train to MarySue-Ville.
Maybe the Winchesters are just special, in that they`re the first family that fought back. That`d be neat.

His planning on marrying Jessica wasn`t that much of a surprise seeing as how they were presented in the Pilot. But still the actress and subsequently their relationship fell flat for me. I know she didn`t have much to work with but I`ve seen more capable actors do something with equally small parts.

His powers not working didn`t bother me, because I kinda believe he only TKd that one time because he was close to Max and able to tap into his powers. But even if not, I`m guessing a demon as powerful as this one seemed to be could have easily supressed them.

The ending was shocking even though I was spoilered I only knew the Impala was gonna get it but not the specifics.
But did anybody else expect Dean`s eyes to open at the end and be all Demony? The camera lingered on him and I waited for something.
Because the demon just vanishing into the floorboards? Lame.

And I found I have quite a few unanswered questions now that the first Season is over: here