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Skin-Snark

A lot has been said about Drunken Bee`s recaps of Supernatural. Mainly that they`re...not good.
So I`ve seen a few people trying their hand at their own reviews and thought, what the heck.

Therefore I proudly present my version of a snarky recap. I picked Skin since it hasn`t been reviewed at TWOP.

The recap will be slash-friendly, since I`d feel amiss if I didn`t acknowledge what is a huge part of fandom.


Episode 1.06 Skin

Previously on Supernatural: stuff happened that we all know about because it`s the same damn Pilot-in-twenty-frames-recapping thing every time. Why don`t you invest in a credit sequence already, with a catchy little tune and lots of glamour shots of the boys. It`s not like your leads are the hunchback of Notre-Dame and the Elephant man. Work with me here, because that flashing title-card: nowhere near as pretty as JAckles or JP.

But on with the show. The helpful little text at the bottom of the screen informs us, that we`re in St.Louis, MO. Does anybody else miss the little news ticker style the X-Files used? Come on, former X-Files-people on Supernatural, go the extra mile.
I guess it also means, they`ll be using the south side of Vancouver this time, just to be authentic, you know.

We get off to a promising start with a girl being tied up in a chair, bloodied and beaten, while her captor taunts her with a large knife. A swat team does their cautiously storming the place routine, rudely interrupting torture guy`s fun. Who is revealed to be none other than...Dean.
Wow, Sam must be really withholding the love if Dean needs to get his rocks off like this.
And I admit to not having seen this coming a mile away on first viewing, so good job, writers.

Another helpful title-card informs us, that it is now one week earlier.
So perhaps we`re going to see Sam being all prim and prude, thereby driving Dean over the brink with sexual frustration? OR it could just be something, you know, Supernatural.

Sam is checking e-mails from his college buddies at Stanford. Dean is not so down with this, because he expected more of a commitment from Sam to their relationship. And really, what can these so-called buddies give Sam that Dean can`t? What, Sam?
They have their usual little normal vs. hunting life-routine.

Anyway, one of Sam`s college friends, Rebecca, is in a kind of situation. Seems her brother got arrested for murdering his girlfriend.
The only thing Dean is interested in is if she`s hot. Hee. Maybe instead of going to great lenghts to convince Dean to go to St.Louis and help, Sam should have just told him, Rebecca was a hooker in trouble. Hey, it worked for Jayne in "Heart of Gold."
Sam however breaks out his deadliest weapon, the puppy dog eyes of doom and Dean Winchester, hunter extraordinaire, crumbles before our eyes. Off they go.

Upon their arrival, Sam is enthusiastically greeted by Rebecca, who I`m guessing either started college late or is just too dumb to graduate because no way in hell is she Sam`s age or younger.
Her and her parents` fancy house seem to do it for Dean though, since he looks suitably impressed with both. And a little bit miffed he practically had to hop up and down behind Sam`s back to get noticed. Hee.

Sam gets his sensitive tell-me-everything-you-know-shtick on, which in this case works a lot better since he and Rebecca already have a rapport with each other. So Becky, the 30year old college girl, spills the beans. Her brother came home, found his girlfriend tied up and beaten (to death obviously) and the cops arrested him. But the thing is, he was with Becky at the time of the murder, so he`d have to have been in two places at once.
Sam perks up at that. I guess this week he plays the "I believe" Mulder to Deans "there is probably a perfectly rational explanation for this" Scully. Ever determined Sam ropes Dean into it, declaring Dean a police officer. Dean, who without one of his trusted fake IDs feels naked and vulnerable here (if only he really were, sigh), visibly chokes on this, before nodding and claiming to be a detective in Bisby, Arizona. Even not so bright Becky seems unconvinced there for a moment.

Upon inspecting the crime scene, Dean notices the neighbor`s dog behaving kind of weird, which seems to at least sell him on the possibility of some supernatural influence a bit more. God, does this explain the behaviour of our cats (who ARE majorly weird)? A shape shifter in the neighborhood?

A photo of Sam, Becky and a man who is presumably brother Zack and has really unfortunate eyebrows fades into said man spying on a young couple. His eyes do a weird flashing thing, thus establishing that he is, indeed, a supernatural entity of shape shifting qualities and not just the real Zack whom the police lets just wander around while he is under suspect for murder.

On a security tape showing Zack the night his girlfriend died, Sam notices the weird eye-thing too. I think the shape shifter should really do something about that, go see an optometrist for example.
So our dynamic duo quickly deducts they`re dealing with a doppelganger or dark twin and not say, a werewolf. Yay, they have the brains to go with the pretty.


The guy or thing in question meanwhile has been up to some fun with the couple, he spied on earlier. So when the husband, an Asian guy, shows up and finds his wife tied to a chair and beaten up, he is understandably confused by her begging him not to hurt her anymore. And even more confused by looking at himself, well himself plus the eye-flashing thing. Optometrist, dude. Look into it.


The next day, presumably, Sam and Dean arrive just in time to see the poor schmuck being led away.
While they`re wondering how the thing got away, Dean spies a manwhole in the street and down they go. To the sewers, people. Remember, Dean is not getting any and therefore highly sexually frustrated.
They find some icky substance and take a sample with them, looking strangely hot and professional doing so. I bet they`d look majorly cute in these blue CSI jumpsuits. Sigh.

There is trouble in paradise however when Becky calls them, both literally and on their lies what with Dean being a police officer. Guess, Detective Dean Winchester from Bisby Arizona didn`t check out after all. Damn, what a shocker. But wouldn`t it have been hilarious if he randomly picked some hick town who HAD a detective Dean Winchester?

So, since their assistance is no longer welcome, our brothers decide to hightail it out of there and let the shape shifter have his fun in Vancouver...I mean St.Louis, of course. Yeah right, now that they`re finally on the same page of Supernaturalness there is no stopping their cute ghostbusting little butts.

So back they go to the sewers and I have weird Buffy/Angel-flashbacks. Not in a bad way though, I wouldn`t say no to a little tearful relationship-talk between Dean and Sam down there. And really, they don`t have it so bad, it`s not like Dean will turn evil once Sam gives him a happy. Or will he? Was that what the evilDean teaser was all about and all this shape shifter stuff is just smokescreen, so we won`t see it coming? Wow.

Any opportunity for some loving heart to heart is cut short, however, when they run into the shape shifter (now dressed as the Asian guy from earlier) and Dean hurts his shoulder. Above ground they decide to split up, chasing after the thing. And I guess splitting up while hunting a shape shifter goes about as well as splitting up in a haunted asylum where people get possessed and postal. And what do you know, Dean suddenly is doing the eye flashing thing.
And I really would have liked it here, if they`d held this revelation off a little bit.
But not about to complain since in a nice little move, Sam seems to be instantly alert about Dean. He even tries to trick him into revealing himself to be Not!Dean. They could have played to the cliche here and didn`t, so good job, writers.
Alas, poor Sam gets clocked in the head regardless. And scene.


Next we find Sam being tied up in the sewers. Wait a minute. I thought the shape shifter`s MO is tying up women he wants to, hm, "play" with or as is later revealed tried to "connect" with first. I mean, he could have killed Sam right away, but instead he saved him for some bondage fun. And as we soon learn, he shares Dean`s thoughts and memories, so in a way, he IS Dean.
Hm, maybe I shouldn`t look to deeply into the psychological ramifications of this. Hee.

The following scene is great and I have to give props to both JAckles (I just can`t shorten it to JA, because every time I do this, I fear somebody thinks I`m giving acting props to Jessica Alba and no, can`t have that.) and JP. Not!Dean, even though different from the real thing, has still some undercurrents of Dean in his mannerisms, he still has a certain cheerfulness to him. And poor Sam looks quite pained here but bravely holds it together and refuses to give in to Not!Dean`s taunting. "Dad left me with your sorry ass." Ouch.
Of course we learn quite of few things about Dean, his fear of abandonment, his envy for Sam, his resentment of his Dad leaving him (I love the little "Pffft" gesture there, hilarious) and most notably him having dreams other than hunting. Tell us more, Not!Dean, don`t be such a tease.
And I really don`t think he was making any of that stuff up. A bit twisted, yeah, but that`s what`s going on inside of Dean. And now Sam knows it, too.
It`s actually quite a violation of Dean, if you think about it (and I know, there are certain fanfic writers who don`t think of anything BUT violating Dean), but I`m guessing if he knew about this little talk here (I really believe he`s unconscious during this), he`be horrified.

Not!Dean demonstrates again that he kinda shares a downstairs brain with Dean and decides to go to Becky for some fun. He actually manages to charm his way inside her house.
Meanwhile in the sewers Dean comes to and reveals himself to being tied up not far from Sam. Ah, double bondage fun. Sam brings his brother up to speed and Dean remarks on the shape shifter being smart enough to pick the handsome one. Sam looks hilariously offended by this. Hee hee. And while I find JP quite attractive, I can`t really argue with Dean here. Sorry, Sam.

Not!Dean and Becky are sitting in front of a cozy fireplace and I get the feeling that Becky is letting the poor shape shifter on. Who doesn`t do so bad with the charm and all, even telling Becky about shape shifters, well obviously minus the part of himself being one. Which possibly wouldnt have made the next part so creepy, what with him being all contemplating "his" sad fate and basically taking a nice dunk into self pity. He really blows it by whispering something in Becky`s ear that makes her freak out.
I try to imagine what someone looking like Jensen Ackles could have possibly said to me that`s so revolting I`d kick him out of my house. Hm, still thinking.
Not!Dean is understandably mad and starts getting quite rough with poor Becky. And yet, I`m still thinking if that would be enough to kick him out of my house. I think, I need help. *g*

In the meantime Dean and Sam manage to free themselves and come charging to the rescue.
But sadly, the swat team from the teaser is there first and we`re suddenly back where we started this episode. Not!Dean shows some impressive fighting skills, which I will also apply to him being linked with Dean and take as proof for Dean`s fighting proficiency.

He manages to flee and is suddenly back in the sewers where he proceeds to TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF. Yay, finally Supernatural lives up to being on the WB and all, where the stripping of their hot male actors is like the 11th commandment. But wait, WAIT. Our glorious shots of Jensen`s muscular torso are cut short, because he rips of his SKIN right after. Not the skin, man, the pants. The pants should come next. First the shirt, then the pants, THEN the skin. Or does his lower half doesn`t shift? And wouldn`t the whole process be easier if he was naked? Damn.

Because of Not!Dean`s antics the real Dean finds himself the suspect of assault and murder? now and him and Sam are looking at the most ugly-ass drawing of Dean I`ve ever seen. Seriously the police artist guy who did this should be fired.
Also, Dean is miffed to hell at the thought of his Not!Self driving his car. Cheer up, Dean, it could have been worse. He could have tested out your OTHER ride. Wink. Wink.

Upon arriving at Becky`s place, they run into the police and Sam lets himself be taken so Dean can get away (little reversal from the Pilot?). Dean predictably breaks his promise not to do something on his own and goes back to the sewers. That place gets quite a work-out here, doesn`t it. He finds Becky tied up there and learns that she got jumped on her way back from the hospital. And my hat is off to the St.Louis police department who let an assault victim go home alone in the dark when her attacker is still on the loose. Also hat`s off to Becky`s friends, if she has any. Well done, guys, well done. I`m impressed.
They deduce however that Becky is now Not!Becky and Sam is with her and therefore in danger. Must be tuesday. (Which I believe it actually was when this episode aired.)

And what do you know, Sam gets clocked in the head. Again. Well, that`s was before Sam-choking became the next big thing.
This time we don`t see the change, but Not!Becky is now again Not!Dean. Hey, the shape shifter really seems to like that body (and who can blame him?). Not!Dean taunts his little brother some more, whom he has tied up AGAIN and ...Wait. There is a cut in there, Sam is now lying tied up on the floor in another room than he was before. And he looks a bit, hm, out of it?
So how much time exactly has passed and HOW was it spent? They really threw their poor little characters to the mercy of the slash fiction writers here. I`m just saying.

When Not!Dean whips out a large knife and winks suggestively at Sammy, the latter seems to think enough is enough and starts some pretty good SamFu moves of his own.
One thing I noticed however, Sam`s legs were tied up, too, so when he cuts the bonds around his wrists, he should still be only able to hobble into the fight. But I`m guessing that wouldn`t look as cool, so I`m letting it slide. This time.

The ensuing fight is pretty good and even though Sam is no match for the superior strength of the shapeshifter coupled with Dean`s wicked fighting abilities, he holds his own for a while.
Finally Not!Dean literally jumps on Sam, straddles him and pins his body to the floor. What? It happened. Sometimes, the slash just writes itself. *g* He then proceeds with choking Sam, thereby starting a trend that has yet to be broken.

Dean starts a trend of his own, with running in and yelling "Hey" at the Sam-choking entity.
He then pumps his doppelganger full of bullets (okay two) and yanks his protective amulet of the fraud`s neck. And why the heck did the shapeshifter take that in the first place? He didn`t seem to need to take all of Dean`s clothing to copy him properly. Hm.
I really liked the way they, again, went against the cliche here, that would have Sam having to kill his "brother" for the ANGST of it. Another well done, guys.


The guys wrap things up with Becky. Seems her brother was cleared due to one Dean Winchester who the police now thinks to be the serial killer. A DEAD serial killer.
In Dean`s place I`d be pretty angry here. Sam`s little "Lets go help my college buddies"-mission has left Dean legally dead and a murderer at that. Good thing, he`s not the one wanting a normal life now, is it.

Dean, cool guy, that he is, only regrets not being able to go to his funeral. Hee. Also sad, because who are you expecting to BE there, Dean? Unless Sam tells him the Celine Demon will be in attendence, I don`t even see dear old Dad there.
The boys reminiscence again about the normal vs. not so normal life and Sam admits to never feeling totally at home in Stanford. That`s because Dean was not there, silly. Personally, I wouldn`t go somewhere for a longer period of time without my little cuddle bear either. Ahem.
So, the boys drive into the sunset. Or maybe just into late afternoon.

Next week: Sam and Dean go to see "Urban Legends." Literally.

Comments

( 4 have dazzled me — Dazzle me )
grafikjm
May. 3rd, 2006 01:35 pm (UTC)
That was nice and quite funny. Good job!
astri13
May. 4th, 2006 05:54 am (UTC)
Thank you very much. I really tried.
thefabone
May. 3rd, 2006 06:57 pm (UTC)
I agree. The recap rocked (but you could have mentioned the teeth! OMG THE TEETH!).
astri13
May. 4th, 2006 05:53 am (UTC)
Ah thank you.
But of course you`re right, how could I forget the teeth. *hangs head in shame*
Maybe I just blacked them out, since I`m too much of a wuss to look at the screen during that part.
( 4 have dazzled me — Dazzle me )