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Time for the spnflashfic - migrator. :)

Title: Can't hear your cries in the silence
Author: astri13
Rating: Gen, PG
Characters: Teen!Sam, Dean
Word Count: 925
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own anything about the show.
Summary: In the world of the Winchesters a small piece of paper can be a deadlier than anything else. Even to an unbreakable bond.




Sam fiddled with the letter once more. It was one of five, each of them like a little door to a world Sam only knew from his dreams. But now…now he might actually be able to walk through that door and live there for real. Five letters of similar content, but four offered only part of his dream. This last one, though, promised it all. A full ride. Sam still couldn't believe it.

Carefully Sam tucked the envelope away again. His chemistry book had been chosen as the current hiding place. Sam rotated the letters every few days to avoid detection, and everything homework-related was a good repellent of nosy big brothers.

Lately, Dean seemed determined to prove that Sam's room aka 'Geek Heaven', as Dean called it, housed more than clothes and books. Where were the magazines, the condom stash and the half-eaten pizza? Dean refused to believe that any brother of his could defect so badly from the time-honored traditions of male teenagers everywhere.

Hiding from Dean was nothing Sam rejoiced in, and sometimes he almost wished Dean would find the letters. It would make it easier to breach the subject. But it was too soon, Sam needed more time. So many things needed to be taken into consideration, every angle had to be covered before he could tell his brother. Everything had to be perfect to leave Dean with no choice but to agree with Sam on the outlined course.

Practically from the moment Sam had read the last letter, he'd thrown himself headfirst into this project. He'd used the old computer at the library for fact checking. He'd made calculations; even getting Dean to help by pretending it was homework. Dean had always been good with numbers after all.

Today was the day, however, where the time of secrets was coming to an end. At least with Dean because telling Dad about Stanford was not something Sam looked forward to. He hoped to convince Dean to keep a lid on it for a little while longer.

After he had convinced Dean to come with him, of course. Sam was confident he could build a good case now. For one, it was California, which meant sun, which meant lots of girls in skimpy clothes. They could room together off-campus at first, saving money.

Sam had checked out the local community college. They offered courses on myths, folklore and urban legends. Maybe his brother could audit some classes in Stanford, too. Or he could get a job. Dean was quite handy with machines and electronics; there were a zillion things he could do.

They could come home during the holidays or do the occasional little job on weekends themselves. Important thing was, they would be together. And safe. Sam wouldn't have to wait for a call or even a goddamn letter telling him his brother had bled out in the middle of nowhere because a skinwalker had attacked him or he'd broken his neck because a Poltergeist had thrown him into a wall.

And dad would have to leave off the real dangerous jobs too, if he found himself short of a soldier suddenly. Maybe even dad would settle down somewhere, and they'd have a real family home to come back to.

Determined, Sam walked down the rickety stairs of the old house they'd rented. From the kitchen he could hear the clanging of plates and glasses that told him Dean was doing the dishes. His turn this week.

Taking a deep breath, Sam entered the kitchen. Now or never.

"So, geek-heaven got too boring for even you?" Dean called over his shoulder.

"Haha, bite me," Sam answered good-naturedly. "So you, um, wanna go to the movies afterwards? Do something fun. Or whatever you want." He tried to grin. Start slow, Sam. Ease him into it.

"Sorry dude, can't come. Dad needs me at the graveyard, helping with the Williamson spirit."

Sam sighed, frustrated. "But it's a regular salt and burn. And the spirit isn't even violent, just…sad," he finished lamely.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Dude."

"I just…I just think Dad can handle it on his own." Sam emphasized the last part.

Dean frowned. "Come on, Sammy. You know how dangerous the job is. Two pairs of eyes - and hands - are better than one."

Sam wanted to open his mouth, wanted to tell Dean all about Stanford and Sam's plans for the both of them, but for some reason his throat felt like a giant boa had wrapped herself around it, squeezing.

"Yeah okay. I…I still have some homework to do. I'll better get to it," he forced out finally.

For a few moments Dean gave him a curious look, and the words were at the tip of Sam's tongue again, ready to tumble out. Yet nothing came.

When the silence between them stretched out, Dean turned back to his task. Sam thought he heard a muttered "geek" coming from his brother but wasn't sure. Not that it mattered now. He'd just missed his chance to be geek plus one.


Two months later when the bus to California pulled out of the Greyhound lot, Sam touched the empty seat beside him. More than anything he wished he had asked, but it just would have hurt too much to hear Dean say 'no' to him.

He never knew that Dean had accidentally stumbled upon the admission letters and, when watching the Greyhound's taillights, wished for the same thing. It just hurt so much to have Sam say nothing to him.

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Comments

( 11 have dazzled me — Dazzle me )
theladyscribe
Sep. 4th, 2007 12:42 pm (UTC)
Oh, BOYS. *cries*

This was lovely and hurty and just... oh, boys.

For a few moments Dean gave him a curious look, and the words were at the tip of Sam's tongue again, ready to tumble out. Yet nothing came.

I'd love to see Dean's POV of that moment - knowing what his brother's about to say and just holding out for the hope that he'll say it and that he'll ask him to go with him. And then it doesn't happen, and it just breaks him. :(
astri13
Sep. 4th, 2007 01:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much.

I tried to keep give glimpses of Dean`s view throughout Sam`s voice so I`m glad that came through. And mis-communication seems to be just the thing that could have torn them apart. Poor boys. *pats them*
iamstealthyone
Sep. 4th, 2007 03:14 pm (UTC)
Oh, boys.

This hurts in so many ways, from Sam making all those plans but never asking Dean to come with him to Dean finding the letters on his own to both boys having regrets when Sam leaves.

I really like the idea of Sam doing all the research to make sure he could make a good case for Dean coming with him. The community-college courses were a nice touch.

Nicely done!
astri13
Sep. 4th, 2007 06:42 pm (UTC)
Canon is still so open on that period or the question how close the brothers were as teens so I inserted my own little wish-verse here. :) And I have a soft spot for Smart!Dean who could have gone to College and Sam wanting to see this potential realized.

Thank you muchly.
embroiderama
Sep. 4th, 2007 03:49 pm (UTC)
Oh... *sigh* This is just perfect because the Winchesters care so much for each other, but they really fail at communication.
astri13
Sep. 4th, 2007 06:43 pm (UTC)
That is so true. Sometimes they`re such men. *g*

Thank you so much.
fishiemishie
Sep. 7th, 2007 11:58 pm (UTC)
Oh, ouch, their regrets coincide so painfully. I can completely see Sam trying to build up this case for Dean to go with him, and then just crumbling at the prospect of actually presenting it. His excitement really comes through in the beginning; turning Stanford into this turning point for his entire family. Which made his realization that Dean will put (almost) everything aside just to watch their Dad's back even more heartbreaking.

Great job; thanks for posting.

~Michelle
astri13
Sep. 8th, 2007 11:04 am (UTC)
Thank you so much. There is still so little known about that time period and I`m glad you liked my little version. :)
a_phoenixdragon
Feb. 10th, 2008 10:24 am (UTC)
Ohhhhh!!!

*sobs*

*Flails*

*thuddd*

*hugs you*
astri13
Feb. 10th, 2008 06:59 pm (UTC)
Awww, no crying. You make me cry too. *hugs back* Thank you muchly. Glad it resonated with you.
(Anonymous)
Oct. 9th, 2010 02:17 pm (UTC)
God... the last two paragraphs? Beautifully done. ...and I liked the fact that both of them where afraid that the other one wouldn't want him to come / wouldn't even ask. - You're really good with the hurt.

Once again, thanks for sharing! D.
( 11 have dazzled me — Dazzle me )